i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
