the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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