She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
