i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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