the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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