one two three fourrrrnication!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
