It's Friday. Sex?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
