You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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