So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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