first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You don't make any sense
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