Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
