dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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