I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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