Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
