I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
