I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
