Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
