I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
