His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
