How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
