he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
