Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
