i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
did you just send me my own nude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
