it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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