ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
