so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
