I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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