Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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