Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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