I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
