ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
