1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
