okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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