I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
