Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
