I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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