after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
