Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
