quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
