His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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