I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
