...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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