hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
