I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
