the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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