No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
