'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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