why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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