did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
