I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
