there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
