Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
