I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
