hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
